Q. What exactly is O C E A N PRIVATE-MARKETING
A. As it states, we provide private marketing services.
Q. But there are no ways listed to contact you!
A. Is that a question?
Q. Ok, so how do clients contact you?
A. They don’t.
Q. What? What do you mean they don’t? Ok, so how long have you been in business?
A. We have been in business since 1991.
Q. Why have we not heard about you?
A. Because what we do is private.
Q. But how would clients get hold of you?
A. We just went over that … They don’t contact us, we contact them.
Q. I don’t understand.
A. Again, is that a question?
Q. Shit, no … listen, I am getting confused. If you do private marketing for companies and there is no way to contact you and no way to see your work or get references how does all this work?
A. You will have to be more specific, how does all “what” work?
Q. I am starting to get a headache … So, you contact companies and you do private marketing for them, is that correct.
A. Yes, that’s correct.
Q. Do clients then contact you after they enlist your services?
A. No. Never.
Q. What?
A. …?
Q. Well, how does work get done?
A. It gets done efficiently, effectively, expediently and professionally.
Q. But, if I understand correctly, clients don’t contact you?
A. Exactly.
Q. Well, who prepares the briefs, the strategy, the budgets, the tracking etc etc?
A. We do it all.
Q. But what about scheduling?
A. What about it?
Q. How do clients build schedules for launches, events ads?
A. They don’t.
Q They don’t?
Q Is that a ques…
Q. No it isn’t a question!!! Damnit! So clients do nothing – is that correct?
A. Oh no. Clients do quite a lot.
Q. Well, what exactly do clients do?
A. They leave cash at their reception area and we come in and tell them what they should do and when they should do it.
Q. WTF?
A. Is that a question?
Q. Ok … listen I am not sure I understand any of this, but I will give it a try. You do private marketing for clients and there is no way to contact you, so you get the clients to leave cash at their reception so you can come in and tell them what to do and when ro do it. Is that right?
A. Generally speaking, yes.
Q. Well, what do you charge your clients?
A. That’s private.
Q. (Of course it is.) But how do clients know how much money to leave?
A. Oh, that’s simple. If they don’t leave enough we don’t come back.
Q. WTF? Are you kidding me?
A. No.
Q. I’m done … One last question. Is there anything you want to add to this FAQ?
A. No.